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5 Questions to ask your spouse to immediately improve Your Marriage

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This post will give you 5 helpful questions to ask your spouse to improve your marriage. 

Just because you said in your vows “or for worse” does not mean that we should take that as an excuse to be able to be “worse” in our marriage. If there is one thing I’ve learned in my marriage it is that being humble can take you a long way in your relationship.

I am the type of wife that always wants to improve everything, including my marriage. I know the bible says we can’t be perfect, but does that mean we shouldn’t strive for perfection?

Don’t get me wrong, my marriage is far from perfection. But my husband and I are doing what we can to improve it.

I started asking my husband these questions and encouraged him to ask me them when we were about a year into our marriage.


I have to warn you, before you ask, please try your best to be humble. These are deep questions to ask your spouse. Some answers you may not like, some answers may surprise you. But in the end, this could greatly affect your marriage for the good.

Before you ask, please stop for a moment and read through the questions and the descriptions. I am not trying to create division in your homes, I’m trying to create closeness. And asking improperly will for sure cause the former.

So get a piece of paper, take a screenshot, pin this for later and ask your spouse!

You can print this post as a PDF towards the bottom of this post!

5 Helpful Questions to Immediately Improve Your Marriage

Before we get started with these questions to ask your wife or questions to ask your husband, I’d love for you to join my FREE 5-day marriage revival challenge! Sign up below or click here to learn more!


Let’s dive in!

1. Is there anything you need from me as your spouse that I’m not giving you?

Now, sit back and listen without interrupting. If you’re offended by what they say, please, pause and think before you respond.

You asked a question giving your spouse the impression that they could trust you enough to be honest with you. What they respond with, may hurt, but I would hope they wouldn’t be saying it if it wasn’t truly a need or needs of theirs.

But what if I completely disagree with what they say?

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This is the time to involve a third party. But wait, before you call your friend, I’m talking about God.

He knows the answers, and He can tell you what to do. In every situation.

Pray and ask God to humble you, ask Him to show you if what your spouse is asking you is something that you can and should be doing.

Of course, if your spouse is asking you to sin, that should be an automatic no. But if he/she is saying something that you can actually do, why not try it?

I think it’s worth it if you want to improve your marriage. Love is sacrifice, right? Let’s sacrifice for our spouses.

Fix Your Marriage

Related: The Best Christian Marriage Books {The Best Books on Marriage}

2. Is there anything that I do that hurts you?

This one might sting a little. But what if the answer is something you never expected?

Something small that you do that’s been impacting your spouse silently for years. It could be the way we talk about them or say little comments that undermined them.

It could be a name that you jokingly call your spouse that makes them insecure.

Whatever it is, listen and make a change. We married our spouses because we love them, we want to grow old with them.

We don’t want to hurt them or have them resent us. These are the things that start small but create huge barriers in a marriage or any relationship for that matter.

Let’s hope they don’t have an answer to this question, but if they do, please do your best to stop whatever it is that you’re doing to hurt them.

5 questions you need to ask your spouse to improve your marriage! Set aside some time and ask them these marriage changing questions! #marriage #marriageadvice #christian

3. Is there something I used to do that you wish I still did?

There are so many things that factored into our spouses wanting to spend the rest of their lives with us. But as we grow older, we all change.

We stop doing old things to try new things, right?

But maybe there’s something your spouse misses about you that they still need. It’s not impractical for them to want something that you already possess or showed them you can do.

Could it be more romance? More dates? Handwritten letters?

Either way, if it’s something you’re still capable of, why not give it a try? Remember the end goal is to better your marriage.

5 Question Cards Banner Grab these questions as a printable

RELATED: The BEST Marriage Advice [30+ Tips for a Successful Marriage]

4. Do you feel like there is an area in our marriage where God is missing?

I don’t know about ya’ll, but I want God to be in the center of everything we do. Heck, some couples even pray before they have sex.

God created marriage and every aspect of it. Shouldn’t we involve the One who created us in all that we do?

Maybe He’s slipped from your conversations, your dinner table, or your decision making. This is the question that I know any answer your spouse gives you will be worth implementing. Because when God is involved, how can you go wrong?

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5. What would you change about our sex life?

Womp. Womp. You had to have known this was coming right? Remember, God created sex too.

And how can you go wrong with improving this part in your marriage? I’d like to see a creative answer to that question!

Now, this is one of, if not the most intimate part of your marriage. So I’m sure it may be a sensitive subject.

Remember, women and men are built differently. A wife may answer that she doesn’t want to have sex that much, while a husband may answer that ya’ll don’t have sex enough.

We are wired completely different. But the good thing about a marriage is compromise.

Find a way to meet your spouse somewhere in the middle, to literally get both of your needs met. (pun intended)

Next Steps:

You’ve found out all this information, now what are you going to do with it? Try to take the smallest thing (or if you’re brave- the biggest thing) and start changing it.

Right now. Your marriage is worth the sacrifice.

Can you picture how much strength you’ll build in your marriage from implementing what you learn from each other?

If you’d like to have these questions become the beginning of you marriage revival, it’s time to sign up for my FREE 5 day marriage revival course (click here for more details).

There are also some lovely marriage books I’d like to recommend to you!

You can find them here:

The Best Christian Marriage Books for 2022


There’s no need to have lots of mystery in your marriage. Ask questions with the intention of growing closer together.

Be intentional in growing closer to your spouse. Go out on a limb and get a little uncomfortable to ask how to improve and actually implement the feedback you get from your spouse and watch your marriage blossom!

If you’d like to continue on your journey of improving your marriage, here is a devotional I highly recommend (it’s an oldie but goodie) :

What do you think? Tell me how it goes! And if you have any “hard question” suggestions leave them in the comments, I’ll be sure to respond!

Marriage Resources:

Need help in your marriage? You can check out My FREE Marriage Revival Course! Take 5 days to pour into your marriage together and finish with new hope!

Ignite deeper conversations with your spouse, transform your intimacy and strengthen your bond with my Conversation Starter Cards

If you need counseling but don’t want to go to a counselor try out Marriage Fitness as an alternative to traditional counseling.

If you or your spouse struggle with an addiction to porn Covenant Eyes is an amazing resource to stop addiction in its tracks.

If you want books for any area or topic of your marriage you can check out the Christian Marriage Books I Recommend 

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5 questions to ask your spouse to improve your marriage! Set aside some time and ask them these marriage changing questions! #marriage #marriageadvice #christian

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    1. These are definitely five (5) great questions for couples to discuss. I would also like to add that sometimes when there has been adultery committed during the marriage these questions would open up old wounds.

  1. Hi Elizabeth, my name is Nikita. I’m Married almost 5 years now. And I have my first son. He’s 2yr. I’m 32yr. I have Seizures and I can’t work or drive. This is my first time being Married too. My husband and I have communication problems alot. It’s hard because we love each other so much. But sometimes we just don’t understand what the other one is saying. My husbands intelligents is way higher than mine. We don’t always trust each other either. And it’s hurting our relationship. If you have any tips on how to make us better as a Couple I’d deeply appreciate it! And if you have any questions feel free to ask. Thanks!

    1. Thank you for reaching out Nikita! Have you checked out my free 5-day marriage course? I think it would help! Communication is a problem most couples have in their marriage so please don’t feel alone in this! I think it takes a lot of patience when you are communicating. And trying to not react quickly when you each say something that might hurt, instead, try to explain yourselves and give each other time to do that! The Bible says, A soft answer turns away wrath. It’s always easier to communicate if you’re speaking calmly to each other!

    2. Please don’t ever degrade yourself by saying his intelligence is more than yours. Your seizures are different yes but my aunt is the same way. You have qualities and you will do great. The first 5 yrs of marriage is a challenge. You are finding out every inch of your flaws as well as HIS. Nobody is perfect and you both will figure out how to understand each other. Nobody learns the same. So as long as you are both willing to listen it will be fine.
      By the way, I’m 54 yrs old been married 3 times. My 3rd marriage has been amazing. We’ve been married 23 yrs and have 4 daughters.
      It will get better as long as you work together.
      Good luck.

  2. My name is Thobeka, I am married almost 3 years now, my husband and I are struggling to communicate to a point where we are constantly fighting especially about his step daughter who has no respect for me whatsoever I feel he is not supporting or protecting me in this regard. When I try to bring up the subject he just says I am standing in the way that I don’t want him to love his daughter. This hurts me so much. I have tried to get someone to intervene but he got so angry he didn’t speak to me for a while. Am really frustrated am at wit’s end. Please help. Not sure if I should stay in this relationship anymore, I feel frustrated and disappointed in my marriage. We have a 2 year old together.

    1. Hi Thobeka!
      I am so sorry that you are having troubles in your marriage! First, I would definitely stay. You made a commitment to him and God for better or worse. Marriage can be hard and everyone’s marriage goes through hard times. I would recommend praying about it. Does your husband know God? If his heart belongs to God and you pray about it, God has the ability to change his heart. You can also seek out marriage counseling, or even doing a marriage study together on communication, I have one I recommend on my resources page I am praying for you and your marriage!

  3. Hi Elizabeth! I found this article via Pinterest. Excellent! I’ve been married 40 years to my jr. high sweetheart. We have been to marriage counseling about 4-5 times and every time it all comes down to communication……and humbling yourself. So true. We tend to take each other for granted the more years you are together.

    And may I respond to Thobeka above? I raised 3 daughters and they can get very mouthy as teenagers. Not excusing it believe me, but how often do you spend time with her? This is going to be hard to hear, but do you need to examine your treatment of her. Are you welcoming into your home? Can you make her favorite meals (or does dad?) From a child’s perspective, she is a stepchild of your husband. Where is her father? Think about her feelings of where does she belong??

    I have a son-in-law whose parents divorced when he was 3. He told me once, when we were alone, that he would never get a divorce after he and my daughter had children because of how hard it was on him. He is still repairing his relationship with his father, who went on to have another family, and his feelings of abandonment. God bless.

  4. This is a great read. All marriages need work and these five questions treat several aspects of marriage we are likely to experience a little hiccup in.

    Just noted these points down to practice on my marriage. Thanks for these.

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